You’re a business woman; you want to provide for yourself and your family, you scroll mindlessly through Facebook and instantly compare yourself with other business woman and immediately panic sets in. Events are advertised, the panic intensifies. I have nothing to give, X is better than me, they fit in with these women I don’t.
And then it starts
‘Who are you trying to kid?’, ‘you may as well give up now’, ‘If you go, no one will talk to you’,
Then the practicalities take over.
‘Who will be there?’, ‘how will I get there?’, and ‘What shall I wear?’
Slowly you talk yourself out of going. You create obstacles that keep you in your comfort zone, keep you safe.
Social anxiety is extremely common. No amount of cajoling or hand holding helps the fear of actually going to an event or party if you suffer from it. So I ask the question, what is your fear?
When I looked at this with my coach, I discovered that despite all my roles in life being extrovertial I was actually an introvert. I needed to have the answers to the questions that raced through my mind. I had to create MY safety by finding the answers. I needed them to build the structure which made it possible for me to go to events despite the social anxiety.
One lady I coached was struggling with what she described as ‘crippling anxiety’. After she left a very difficult and bullying role, she was a shadow of a lady who found even walking to the shop too much. She had lost so much weight and had contemplated taking her own life to escape the pain.
She was incredible. Coaching helped her to realise her worth, slowly she became able to stand in her power by talking about her fears and slowly dispelling them. Small actions were set and as she achieved these, her confidence began to grow. She wanted the pain to stop and was willing to make small changes which made a big impact. Today she is flourishing, her life became colourful and she regained a healthy complexion. She can, and will, go anywhere using strategies and methods which suit her.
Any change brings about some level of anxiety, it’s perfectly normal to have fears when you are going into something new. Yes, it’s ok. What isn’t ok is when it overtakes your life and keeps you imprisoned.
When you answer what you fear is, you set yourself free. I encourage you to challenge your thoughts – are they facts? Are you less than anyone else? Do you have something to bring to the event/party?. The thought of going is always worse than the actual being there.
The only way to break though the fears is not to avoid them but to smash through them with courage. Make arrangements to go with someone, talk about your fears, break the power and step into faith, faith in yourself, faith in who you are, faith in what you do. Faith in you!.